Okay, that’s not entirely true. It is a little bit, but the thing is, Asian love is not the same as love in other cultures. On TV everywhere, you see caring parents say “I love you, son” or “I love you, honey” or something. Well, Asian parents never say it to their parents. Heck, they never even say “I love you” to each other. The lack of love in Asians is strongly proved by lack of knowledge of the word for “love” in Chinese. I had no idea how to say it at all until last year, when I began learning Mandarin. Then I translated it to my own native dialect, and then realized I had heard the word before, but only on Asian dramas. No one that I know says “I love you” to each other.
Another thing about Asian parents is that no matter what you do, you are always criticized by your parents. They are constantly telling you that you can do better, even if you are doing the best you can be doing. I really hate Math, and I would be spending my time doing something else because I am just not a Math person. My cousin on the other hand is on the Math Team at school and my parents are constantly nagging me to be as good as he is. I have 11 cousins (on my mom’s side) and they are constantly telling me to follow in their footsteps. Anything I try to do that is different is not considered a worthy thing. I told my family that I’d like to be a writer or a musician or something else that I love in life, and they scorned me for it. They told me that all I should concentrate on is memorizing Math formulas. At times, it feels as if they don’t care for me as a person at all. They don’t understand what I would like and they impose their own ideas.
Of course, I don’t really believe that Asian parents don’t love their kids. They DO love their kids, just in different ways. They show their love by working in dirty, hot resttaurants for at least 10 hours a day for really bad pay. They show their love by always being cheap and not buying frugal things so that they can use the money to send us to college. And when they pit cousin against cousin, it is because they are actually proud of you and want to show you off. The funny thing about Asian pride is that it is shown subtly through humility.
Asian parents love their kids dearly, and I know I love my parents back too. But I think I actually prefer this kind of love, because what would you say if your parents told you they loved you? I think it’d be awkward. So I like the things silent. But we all know that underneath, Asian parents are filled to the brim with pride and love.
-Gary M.
May 10, 2009 at 7:42 pm |
[...] on quite a few interesting topics. One topic that immediately caught my attention was titled “If you’re Asian, you don’t love your family“. While he used the generic term Asian in his title, when you read the post, you can [...]
May 11, 2009 at 7:30 am |
Filipino people are Asians too. Generally they’re not shy to say I love you to each other… Parents to children, and vice versa.
May 11, 2009 at 7:54 pm |
Sadly, I don’t know that many Filipinos (I know… 4?) and very little about them. My friend, Sarah, is very American though. She might be Filipino, but the way she is is totally different from what I know about Asians. So, sorry if I might have offended you. Please attribute it to my lack of Filipino friends. =/
May 13, 2009 at 3:25 pm |
I’m not offended. Just sort of information. Good Luck. Interesting blog you have.
May 11, 2009 at 5:23 pm |
That post is perfectly written. I know exactly what you mean. Chinese parents never, ever talk about love. They don’t hug or kiss, or compliment you. And they’re more concerned with raising a good kid in different ways. My parents haven’t asked about my job for YEARS. I might not even have a job anymore, but they wouldn’t know it. They don’t know my favorite foods, my favorite color, or any other ‘useless’ information. They want to know if I changed the oil in my car or paid my bills on time.
May 11, 2009 at 7:48 pm |
But deep inside, they really care about you right? Like, at family reunions, don’t they ever brag about you to the other relatives? They love you, just in different ways.
May 12, 2009 at 2:39 pm |
Actually, they don’t brag about me or my brother. Which is fine with me, I don’t like braggers. If they didn’t remind me to change the oil in my car, or update my car registration, I wouldn’t know if they loved me or not
So the love is in there somewhere, just in really odd places.
May 12, 2009 at 3:38 pm |
Lol. Do you speak English at home, or Chinese with them?